Anna & Josh Dugger

I respect anyone’s right to have an opinion on the marriage of Anna And Josh Duggar but to pass off an opinion as a matter of fact or common sense is not serving any useful purpose. I understand the knee-jerk anger at this father of four who cheated in a very public way, among his other sins but when Anna is at her most vulnerable it seems that people are sharpening their knives on her pain. I’ve read that her parents short changed her by encouraging early marriage and discouraging any education that might have provided some independence. I also have read that she has no choice with what to do because of this. Trying to find everything that anyone could possibly have done wrong is just nasty and pointless. First of all, Anna could choose to leave her husband and have him support her and her children while she gets an education, she could ask his family or hers to financially help her in this transition, she could stay and live with the situation as it is. What she is choosing is to repair her broken marriage! Maybe she will have to ‘keep him on a short leash’ and have him jump through hoops until she feels that she can trust him again. I’m sure she is as angry as any other wife would be at his infidelity. She is likely ashamed of him and sad and scared but she does have a choice about her future and she is making it. She wants to save her marriage and family.

Far too many people vow to love and honour, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse but they think that means for better or even better. When ‘worse’ comes along they jump ship. Do not mistake this for self respect. I don’t know the details here but I’m assuming that Josh is contrite and is ashamed of himself and he deserves to be scrutinized by his wife for as long as it takes. This will be their decision. Staying and fixing a marriage is not synonymous with staying and being a victim of an ongoing, destructive behavior. They love each other ( although Anna may have to remind herself occasionally) and brought four beautiful children into the world.

They are now facing an enormous challenge and have decided to do it together. Where is the fun in being in a situation where you have to keep your husband on a short leash? There isn’t any. There would be no fun in ripping apart a loving family. In fact none of it is any fun for them, at all but their marriage has been broken and they are determined to fix it and so they shall go through the mess to get to the other side of it. There is absolutely no shame in this for Anna. After all, if Josh does live the rest of his life as a respectable and loving husband and father then it would hardly be fair for Anna to have gotten the ‘worst’ and someone else to get the ‘better’.

Before you think, ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ do some research. This is not usually true and I doubt it to be true here. It is quite often the case that a cheating spouse will have an awakening when the behavior is brought to light and he/she sees the hurt that has been done. This and some soul searching can, and often does, bring on an epiphany. Most haven’t even thought about what it would do to their loved ones until they actually see it. They assume they will never be caught and no one will be hurt. Many married couples have surmounted this very hurdle and have thrived in an even stronger union but this couple has the misfortune of having everyone know their business. Yes, they agreed to be on a television series and they are now paying a huge price for it. I, for one, wish them success in rebuilding their relationship and hope they find peace and happiness with each other and their children.

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